


Mittens and Sodomy

by Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)



Category: NCIS
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, M/M, Meta, Sexual Content, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-28
Updated: 2011-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-24 02:58:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McGee discovers that people have written slashfic about his books on the internet. Tony gleefully helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mittens and Sodomy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Reddmoro](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Reddmoro).



"Ninty-nine dollars and seventy three cents!"

For a moment, Tim couldn't place the significance of the dollar value Abby had bounded off the elevator with. "You bought new boots?"

"No, silly." Abby made tracks to his desk and threw her arms around his neck, planting a kiss on his cheek. "It's how much your book went for in auction!"

"I was unaware that one needed to buy McGee's books through auction." Ziva came into the situation with coffee, bypassing her own desk to stand at Tim's.

Tony looked up from his desk with a quirked eyebrow. "Has the Elf Lord experienced a sudden surge in popularity?"

"Nothing like that," Abby replied quickly. "McGee gave me an autographed copy of the first _'Deep Six'_ book to donate to the Help Sri Lanka charity auctions online. People donate things like books and cookies and art and fanfiction and then all the proceeds go to the Sri Lanka relief efforts. It's a totally fun way to get socially involved with world issues and meet other people while you do it."

"Do they have a bachelor auction?" Tony looked absolutely gleeful at the thought.

"When you dream," Ziva retorted, giving Abby a smile. "It sounds like a very worthy cause, Abby. But what is fan... fiction?"

For once Abby's grin looked a little embarrassed. "It's just fiction that people write about existing media, that's all. Just silly fun."

"I think I read some of that once," Tony mused, leaning back in his chair. "I found this website that had stories about the girl in Tomb Raider having sex with Jack Bauer. Pretty hot stuff."

"It's not all porn," Abby replied quickly, flushing a little. "It's also really cute things, like... like Mulder and Scully take a vacation."

"And have sex," Tony added, grinning widely.

As far as Tim was concerned this was getting dangerously close to Rule 34, which was something he'd had spent his entire online life trying to avoid. "Don't make a big deal about it, Tony. Let other people have their kinks."

"You're just jealous that Deep Six isn't big enough to have fanfiction," Tony replied, clearly enjoying himself way too much. "I bet no one's written hot Lara Croft/Timmy McGregor action."

"I have no desire to prove you wrong," Tim replied, trying to find something on his computer screen to focus on. Anything to avoid staring at that superior, infuriating grin. "Don't you have something better to do with your time?"

Tony gave a shrug. "Nothing's more interesting than prying into your geekdom."

"Nothing but a dead marine." Gibbs appeared around the corner, seamlessly infiltrating the conversation as always. "Grab your gear."

 

The case was simple enough, and they'd ruled out foul play by the end of day, but the reports still kept them busy enough that Tim didn't think about the issue of porn and the internet again. Not until the next morning, at least, when he came in to work to find an email in his inbox from Tony's personal email. He frowned as he read it. "Dear Elf Lord, it looks like you get to have sex with someone far more interesting than Lara Croft. Check out this hot stuff. Tony."

The email contained a link to a blog, and for a long moment Tim's finger hovered over the mouse button as he tried to tell himself that this was probably a very, very bad idea. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and clicked.

The link was indeed a blog, run by someone with the handle of "McGregorlover69". And it wasn't so much a blog as a series of... god, Tim couldn't even refer to them as stories. It was pure hardcore pornographic smut. And it was so much worse than anything he'd tentatively tried to prepare himself for. There were ball gags. And handcuffs and leather underwear and nipple clamps and cock rings. On Tony. And him. Him and Tony.

"You're drooling on your tie."

Tim's heart leaped in his chest, and he somehow bit down on his tongue. He scrambled to close the blog window as he turned to face Tony, who had managed to sneak up to lean over his shoulder and grin at the computer screen. "Dammit, Tony!"

"You seem particularly enthralled in that little treasure of a website, McGeek. Is it perhaps more FTW than WTF?"

Ziva had just come in and looked over from hanging up her jacket. "what is 'eff-tee-double-ewe'?"

"For the Win," Abby provided, having followed Ziva off the elevator.

"Don't try to use internet acronyms, Tony," Tim replied, bristling under the attack. "It just makes you sound like even more of a moron than you already are."

"Ooh, sounds like I hit a nerve." Tony was far too gleeful at the thought.

Ziva sounded confused. "But you didn't hit anything."

"A nerve of pride, Ziva. See, I managed to dig up some big juicy Deep Six porn on the internet. Gay porn. Really gay porn. In fact, you might even say that McGregor is the office bicycle - "

"But you hate computers!" It was the only thing Tim could splutter out to interrupt the stream of nightmares that was coming out of Tony's mouth.

Tony shrugged, still wearing that aggravating, shit-eating grin. "Oh I don't hate them, I just prefer to leave the grunt work to Probies. They can be very valuable things at times. Like now times."

Tim took a deep breath and pushed back from his desk, standing to meet Tony in height. "Look, I don't care where the hell you found this stuff, but I don't want to see it. Fanfiction is sick, and anyone who writes it is sick, and the fact that you took the time to dig it up just means that you need your head examined."

Abby's eyebrows knit in sudden concern, moving to the desk. "But, but... I asked for 'Deep Six' fanfiction at Christmas. I just wanted something cute and fluffy where Amy knits everyone Christmas presents. Because the books would be really cute with more fluffy Amy bits. Is that really bad? You aren't mad at me, are you McGee?"

Tim managed to pat her shoulder, forcing himself to be more reassuring than he felt. It felt a bit like the time he was thirteen and his older cousin showed him pictures on the internet of Inspector Gadget in a ball gag with Brain as a dominatrix. Dammit, he'd really liked that show before that, too. "Mittens are okay, Abs. Mittens and sodomy are very, very different things."

"For most people, we hope," Ziva noted - dammit, was everyone amused by this but him?

"I didn't find anything kinky with mittens," Tony agreed, "Though you should read what Tibbs likes to do with carrots when he - "

"When I what, DiNozzo?"

"When you eat salad, boss." Tony's smile didn't loose a bit of its charm, though Tim knew him well enough to catch the slight reddening of skin above the collar of his shirt in embarrassment of being caught. It made things marginally better.

Gibbs gave him a look that Tim knew meant he didn't believe a word of it. "Since you seem to know so much about my salad habits, DiNozzo, I suppose you've completed that paperwork I gave you yesterday?"

"On it, boss." Tony snapped back to professionalism and settled back into his desk.

"Good," Gibbs replied. "And no more talking about gay porn on the internet."

No matter how hard he tried, Tim couldn't stop himself from fuming for the rest of the day. There was just something fundamentally wrong with the idea of someone taking his characters - his fabulously wrought, interesting, hardworking characters - and turning them into porno stars. Finally at the end of the day, just after Tony had left, he went back to the blog long enough to find an email address and send a very brief and polite cease and desist notice from the email of Thom E. Gemcity.

By the time he'd arrived home from work he had a reply to his email.

 _Dear Mr. Gemcity,_

 _While I have every respect for you as an author, I cannot in good conscience take down art simply because your character is in denial about his sexuality. I hope you'll one day be open minded enough to admit the truth._

 _Sincerely,  
McGregorlover69_

His first reaction was fury. What right did this writer have to not only steal his characters but make these assumptions about them? And hiding behind the internet to do so?

Wait.

Tim's home programs weren't quite as advanced as the ones that work gave him access to, but they also weren't completely legal. Still, it took no time at all to trace the email address back to an originating IP, and from there, an address.

He should have fucking known.

Tony answered his apartment door after Tim's third furious knock, expression breaking into a wide grin. "McGoo! You missed the LAN party, but - "

"You wrote it." Tim could feel his voice shake as he stalked into the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him and cursing when it got caught on one of Tony's discarded slippers and completely ruined the effect. He kicked the shoe instead, and pushed the door shut hard. "That ridiculous smut you sent me is all yours!"

"Not all of it," Tony replied with a little grin and a shrug. "Most of it I borrowed from other places. But yeah, some of it is. Surprised it took you this long to figure it out, guess your McGeek skills are a little rusty."

The familiar teasing didn't do anything but make Tim angrier. "Why the hell are you doing this, Tony? First the MMORPG, now this? Do you get some sick twisted pleasure out of constantly tormenting me? You're no better than a damn schoolyard bully!"

Tony had grown silent during the outburst, usual mirth schooled away. "I suppose that's fair," he said, lowering his voice a little and taking a step closer. "But why do bullies pick their targets, Tim?"

The use of his given name threw Tim for a moment, still a little unused to hearing it from Tony's lips. It took him a moment to sneer a reply, trying to hold to his anger. "Because I'm a nerd and an easy target. Weak."

"You're not weak," Tony replied, voice still just as calm and serious. "Try again."

Tim stared at him for a moment, anger running away into uncertainty. There was the regular probie hazing, but he wasn't the probie anymore, and he couldn't deny that Tony had shown a lot more respect for his work in recent months. There were socio-economic differences, but he and Tony weren't far off when it came to that, either. It definitely wasn't religion. "Jealousy?" he tried weakly, not knowing how else to respond.

Tony gave a soft laugh that seemed strangely forced, stepping closer to him. "Wrong again, McClueless. Guess I'll just have to show you."

For a moment, Tim froze in confusion, and his mind defaulted to simple observation and analsys. Tony's fingers on his jaw, light and warm, sliding along his skin and into his hair. The heady scent of that cologne that he loved, that never smelled nearly as good on Tim as it did on Tony. The softest puff of Tony's breath against his skin as he moved closer, eyes falling closed as his lips pressed to Tim's, warm and gentle. A kiss. Desire.

Emotion took over from logic in a rush, and even though part of his mind was screaming that this was just another jibe, just another way to humiliate him, Tim couldn't stop himself from from reacting, from pressing close to Tony with a little helpless moan. He grabbed at anything his hands came into contact with - Tony's worn denim jeans, his threadbare t-shirt, and finally the firmness of muscle underneath, and his lips parted to the urgent press of Tony's lips and tongue. Tony licked into his mouth in an insistent caress, hands clenching in his hair, voice a low groan against his lips, and when he finally pulled back they were both breathless.

"This isn't a trick?" Tim finally managed to gasp, stomach clenching in knots, but Tony just chuckled, low and warm, his lips like a brand where they pressed to the soft hollow just under Tim's ear.

"Not a trick," he murmured, nibbling at Tim's earlobe, fingers stroking circles through the short hair at the back of his neck. "I want you."

The words stroked his desire almost as much as the kiss, and he drew a shaky breath as he arched up against the immovable solidity of Tony's body, already embarrassingly hard. "Didn't know you swung both ways."

"How can I not?" Even now Tony's voice still carried a tone of playfulness underneath the husk of desire; Tim found it strangely reassuring. "I didn't think you did. Not until I spent three hours reading fan essays on the underlying themes of homoerotica in your books. Figured if they were so convinced of McGregor's secret longing for me I might as well test the waters myself."

Secret longing? How the hell had that come out? In all truth he'd never let himself think about it too much, beyond a few instances of unexpectedly intense desire born of accidental touch or practicing hand to hand contact. Thinking about it made it real. It was easier to push it away and worry about how horrible he was with girls. "I didn't mean to...."

" 's all right," Tony murmured, more focused on the caress of his lips down Tim's throat, tongue and teeth brushing his skin, teasing, working a soft whimper from Tim's throat as he nibbled at his skin. "We're here now, aren't we?"

The thought was a heady one, and Tim closed his eyes, tilting his head back as his fingers tangled in Tony's hair. "Are we? What do you want from me, Tony?"

Tony gave a little pleased hum against his mouth, keeping one arm tight around his waist as his fingers smoothed up to start work on the buttons of Tim's shirt. "You, naked and spread out under me in my bed writhing in pleasure?"

Tim swallowed down the moan that rose in his throat at the thought. "And after that?"

Buttons dealt with, Tony's hand slipped down to cup his erection where it tented the front of his slacks, stroking him through the fine wool. "More sex. Breakfast in bed at some point."

Tim rocked up against his paim with a slightly desperate sounding moan, hearing his voice shake embarrassingly. "Tony, I'm serious."

Tony pulled back to search his gaze, fingers moving again to cup his cheek. "You don't think I am?"

"I don't know. Just - just reassure me that I'm not just another one of your girls - " his voice broke on the last word, and he closed his eyes, a little afraid to see the truth in Tony's gaze. "Please."

Tony gave a soft sigh, and Tim felt the press of his lips to one eyelid, then the other. "Sorry. Know I don't have the best track record," he muttered, and the hand that held Tim securely around the waist started to trace slow circles on his lower back. "I don't mess around when it comes to men. I know you have no reason to believe that, but I'll do my best to show you. You're not just another fling, Tim."

Tim let out a shaky breath, letting his hands stroke over the waistband of Tony's jeans and up under his t-shirt, smoothing over the warmth of bare skin. "Okay. All right. You know I can't say no to you."

"Don't you want this?" Tony's lips nuzzled his cheek, warm and secure. He couldn't think about anything but wanting this, not when Tony was so close, teasing and stoking his desire with slow touch and soft kisses pressed to his skin. Not when he could feel the other man's erection pressed against his hip through his jeans.

Tim closed his eyes and leaned into the embrace, rocking slowly, purposefully against Tony's hips, Tony's soft groan of pleasure sending a shiver of both arousal and relief through him. "I do want this. I just... don't normally do this." It wasn't a lie, not completely. He'd had a few awkward fumbles in collage dorm rooms, and one bright night with an exchange student who'd breathed soft encouragements in French when Tim had run his tongue up the length of the man's thick cock. His relationships with women had been meaningful but few; when it came to women he was practically a virgin compared to Tony, let alone when it came to men....

He half expected Tony to call him out on it, to use any hint of weakness to tease him like he normally did. Instead he found Tony's lips on his own again, warm and almost sweet, kissing him slow and deep until Tim couldn't do anything but melt into his body, into the strong arms that held him, hands stroking into his undone shirt and tugging it from his pants, stroking over his bare back and down to cup his ass.

"Won't hurt you," Tony murmured, voice low and husky. "Sorry if I have. Didn't mean to. Just didn't know how else to react to you when I wanted you so badly."

Despite his desire, Tim couldn't help but laugh softly, wrapping his arms around Tony's shoulders and squeezing tight "You seriously did all this because you liked me? All the pranks and teasing?"

Tony drew back with a sheepish grin and a shrug. "Okay, yeah... kinda have the social skills of a nine year old I guess."

"You have the social skills of a peanut butter sandwich," Tim shot back, grinning, suddenly feeling a thousand times more sure of himself. He caught Tony's face in his hands and leaned in to kiss his sheepish smile. "Take me to bed, Tony. Make love to me."

A wide grin was the only warning he got before he found himself slung over Tony's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Tony wrapped his arms tight around the back of his thighs as he disappeared into the bedroom, chuckle throaty and devious despite Tim's spluttered complaint.

"What the hell are you, a viking? Put me down!"

That only made Tony laugh more, dropping to his knees on the queen sized bed and letting Tim fall onto his back in the pillows. He crawled up over him to claim his mouth again, fingers already tugging at Tim's belt. "Might have to call in sick tomorrow."

Tim drew a sharp gasp as Tony's fingers found his erection through his boxers, cupping and teasing him. "We can't - why are we calling in sick?"

"Because I don't think either of us will be able to walk when we're done," Tony replied, giving a playful growl against his neck. He drew back, grinning. "I'm a man of equal opportunity, Tim. Bonafied switch hitter. You?"

"I - " the words caught in his throat, and despite his teasing Tim wished he could be half as smooth as Tony. Tony seemed to catch on to his hesitation, his smile softening as he ran fingertips along his jaw. He pressed another soft kiss to his lips, nuzzling his cheek.

"Don't worry," he murmured between soft kisses, nuzzling his ear. "I'll show you. Gonna blow your mind if you'll let me. May I?"

Tim closed his eyes, arching up against Tony's palm as it pressed to his erection through his boxers. "As long as you don't call me Probie."

Tony laughed softly, tugging his boxers and slacks down around his hips to free him, fingers curling around his cock and stroking from root to tip. "Deal. No Probie. What about McStud?"

Tim's groan wasn't entirely from pleasure. "Tony...."

"McBeautiful?" Tony was still chuckling, licking along his jawline. "McBeautiful and his gorgeous thick McCock...."

"You're horrible," Tim mangaged to breathe, kicking his pants off. "You don't ever shut up, do you?"

"Depends," Tony replied, nipping at the crook of his neck before starting to kiss down his chest. "Sometimes my mouth is... otherwise occupied." He nuzzled Tim's stomach, licking at his bellybutton, and Tim tangled his fingers in his hair, urging him down more.

"Then don't tease about it," he breathed, drawing a sharp gasp as Tony finally did as urged, lips parting over the head of his cock as he sucked at the tip with a low groan. "Oh god, Tony...."

"Been waiting a long time to hear you say that," Tony murmured, flashing a grin before returning to work, fingers curling around the base of Tim's cock to stroke him slowly as he lavished attention to the head. It shouldn't have surprised him that Tony's mouth was as good at this as he was at making smart-ass remarks, but maybe it was just because it was Tony. Maybe because he'd longed for this from Tony: teasing, infuriating, too damn sexy for his own good Tony.

Tony's mouth was wet and hot around his erection, alternating playful kisses and flicks of the tongue around the head of his cock with taking him into his mouth, letting his cock brush the back of his throat as he sucked hard, sending pleasure in shuddering pulses up Tim's spine. His fingers cupped and teased his balls as he did, stroking back behind him as he moved to mouth at them briefly - god, no girl had ever done that! - teasing them with his tongue before sucking them past his lips one at a time. Tim was whimpering before he knew it, body tense and toes curled under as he fought to keep from rocking up into the intoxicating heat of Tony's mouth. "Oh god. Oh fuck, Tony...!"

"Just what I like to hear," Tony murmured, and his fingers were slick when they pressed against his ass - when the hell had he grabbed lube? - stroking and teasing until one fingertip finally breached the tightness, the sensation a shivery burn of pleasure on his nerves.

Tim didn't realize he'd tensed up until Tony started murmuring soft reassurances against his skin, pressing warm kisses to one thigh, trailing up to suck at the base of his cock. He forced his fingers to unclench from the bedsheets, forced himself to breathe and relax and adjust to the play of Tony's fingers against sensitive nerves. Then the slightest brush of a fingertip up inside him left him seeing stars, left him gasping and squirming back for more, one hand clenching in Tony's hair. "Oh god!"

"Yes, my child?" Tony's chuckle was deep and throaty, but the normal deviousness had been replaced with a rich satisfaction that was encouraging and very, very arousing. He eased a second finger into him, fucking him slowly, the burn of penetration quickly replaced by another burst of pleasure as his fingers teased up against his prostate again.

"Narcissist," Tim gasped, just because he had to say something, even though the idea of fucking himself on Tony's fingers was fast becoming the best he'd heard all day. "God, that's good...."

"Just getting started," Tony replied in a low purr, returning to sucking leisurely at his cock, groaning around him, low and appreciative. Tim closed his eyes and let himself go to it, to Tony's care and the insistent build of pleasure. He whimpered when Tony's fingers eased away, aching for the lost sensation, but let himself be manhandled up onto his hands and knees, pressing back into the warmth of Tony's body. His lover - what a strange yet amazing way to think about Tony! - had kicked off the rest of his clothes at some point, and his erection pressed hard against Tim's ass, sliding between his cheeks and over his well slicked hole.

Tim groaned, trying to press back more, shivering with desire and anticipation and more than a little nervousness. "Do it. Don't tease me. Do it."

He heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper and tried to wait and breathe, tried to just breathe through the ache that crawled up his spine as the blunt head of Tony's cock pressed against him, stretching him open in slow thrusts. He shut his eyes to the burn of penetration, focusing on the press of Tony's lips to the back of his neck, his soft murmurs. "That's it... oh god, Tim. God, you feel so good."

It was the shudder in his voice more than anything else that made Tim groan and press back against him, letting himself revel in the slow slide of Tony's cock inside him, everything between them heat and sensation. He found one of Tony's hands on the bed and covered it with his own, squeezing tight and rolling his hips back against him, crying out at the pulse of pleasure as their bodies connected just right. "Fuck!"

"Told you it was good," Tony breathed, starting to rock a little harder with him, nipping breathlessly at Tim's neck where it connected to his shoulder, kisses wet and breathless. He somehow knew just how to move to leave Tim seeing stars, and he found he didn't care whether it was because Tony had been with one man or a hundred. He was here now, and nothing existed but the two of them and the intensity of pleasure between them.

"So good," he gasped, bucking back more against him, feeling completely helpless to this in all the best ways. "Oh god, Tony, harder. Fuck me."

Tony's response was a breathless groan and a harder thrust, picking up the pace, hips smacking against his ass. Each thrust added to the trembling turmoil of arousal that curled in the pit of his stomach, building until he was faintly shuddering with the need to come, aching and desperate from the onslaught of sensation. He was begging before he realized it, gasping Tony's name between half whimpered pleas, his cock aching and pressed hard against his stomach. When Tony's fingers moved to curl around it, stroking him roughly in time with his thrusts it was all he could take, sensation and emotion cresting and spelling over, his body clenching around the thickness of Tony's cock as he spent himself in his fingers.

"Oh god, Tim - !" The plaintive gasp of his name on Tony's lips cut through the heat of orgasm, and he pressed back against him breathlessly, feeling Tony shudder and spill inside him, crying out against his skin. Tim kept his eyes closed, relishing in the slow fade of pleasure, the sense of warmth and well-being, and the unexpected pride that glowed warm in his chest. Maybe he'd been completely clueless, but he was here now, and this confident, beautiful man that he'd secretly wanted for so long was with him, breathless and sated and spent because of him.

"You sure you haven't done this before?" Tony murmured, breath hot against his skin. He stayed close, cock slowly softening inside him, pressing slow kisses to the back of his neck.

"Not sex, no," Tim murmured in reply, trying to keep his legs from trembling; as much as they wanted to let him collapse down onto the bed in well-fucked relaxation. "And if you ever want it again you'd better not tease me about it."

Tony gave a soft appreciative noise. "It's kind of hot when you order me around like that, you know." He chuckled softly, pressing a kiss just under his ear. "Don't worry. Deflowering you has quite possibly been the hottest experience of my life. I definitely want more." He pressed one last kiss to the back of his neck before easing away from him, knotting off the condom and tossing it in the trash before pulling Tim down into his arms. "And no, I'm not just saying that. You have no idea how long I've been staring at your ass."

"If the torment started with it then I have some idea," Tim replied, curling closer, not resisting as Tony nestled his face against his neck, pressing soft kisses to his skin.

Tony's voice was warm, tickling his ear. "So, was it better than that cybersex I promised your Elf Lord? I would have done it, you know. If you hadn't caught on to me so soon."

Tim smiled despite himself, stroking fingers idly through Tony's hair. "Hmm. Probably."

"Probably?" Tony raised himself up to look down at him, scandalized. "What do you mean, probably?"

Tim chuckled softly, stroking a thumb along Tony's jaw. "Show me how you switch hit and then I can tell you for sure."

~~end!~~

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Written for [info]reddmoro for the [info]help_japan auctions. I originally wanted something a bit more kinky, but then these two got to bloody teasing each other, and... well. This. And a bit of meta. Hope everyone enjoyed!


End file.
